+++ Zvi Gets a Flat Tire +++
Of the many wonderful activities Ottawa has to offer over its long and white winter, ice hockey is one of the more violent ones, and the small park on the corner of Dovercourt and Clyde is known around the greater Carling-Kirkwood area as a place where you can roll down the 126-inch slope on a piece of wood, skate over the forms of small children and blind skaters on the ‘special Olympics pond of ice’, or play calm, non-violent games of hockey over jagged, rough slates of ice with jutted edges at the corners.
At the Yeshivas Ateres Menachem dormitory, Bochurim were packing their equipment into over-sized bags, hauling them onto their shoulders, and lugging them into Rabbi Berger’s van, or into the all-terrain 4-wheel-drive shopping cart (proudly displayed on Yeshiva! the movie’s advertisement) to be raced across the slippery sidewalks of Western Ottawa. The Beinunis hockey team were quite proud of themselves, having recently won 2 games in a row due to their efficient tactic of sending a fully-padded individual into their own goal, and giving a goalie to the other team armed with only a piece of plywood and two cardboard boxes wrapped around his ankles and fastened with used rubber bands (the Hachlata is over).
As they arrived at the rink, the figures in the arena that were furiously playing their game slowed down to watch the Beinunis unpack. Slowly one of them slinkered over to coach Dovi Small to ask: “Hey dude. Will you guys be like playing us tonight ay?” Dovi pulled a large icicle out of his beard before giving an affirmative answer to the 6 eager and talented players.
Thus began the game that would see Effie Wolfe score 5 goals, Dovi Small score another few, and Meir Lieblich crash into more walls than Pac-man. Dovi split us into 3 lines and the game began.
Being that this is not the exactly the sports section, and Yisroel wants to conserve space in this publication, I will not report the play-by-play of the game which I had prepared. With color commentary too. But suffice it to say that when Leib Morris goes down, he doesn’t get up. We won the first game 15-14, and tied the second 6 all.
After the game while taking off our equipment, several players noticed that Zvi Hershcovich was walking awkwardly, as though he had inadvertently sat down on a cactus plant 5 feet in diameter. Upon questioning, Zvi admitted that he had pulled his muffler. Sprained his groin. Waxed his moustache. But let’s not talk about his personal life.
It was an injury that would keep him out of Zal for the next few days, and which by the way IS VERY PAINFUL AND THE REASONS WERE VALID ONES AND I STAYED IN BED THE WHOLE TIME RABBI BERGER!!! The Ottawa Children’s Hospital would later confirm that Zvi had indeed pulled his groin playing hockey and would be out of action for at least a week.
We sincerely hope that his computer truly appreciates the quality time he has spent with it the past week.
=== Quotes of the Week ===
“The only excuse for not coming to Seder tomorrow is that you are dead!” - Rabbi Berger
“So does that mean you see everything upside-down?” - Zeev Eagle when told by Dovi Small that his contact lens were upside-down
“A drunkard thought he could drown his Tzorehs with Mashke, but then he found out that Tzorehs could swim!” - Sholom Ber Shuchat
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