+++ Zman Matan Toraseinu Begins +++
Zman Simchaseinu: The time of our rejoicing, a time in which every Bochur could do as he wishes, for the teachers aren’t strict with the students, neither is the Hanholo. A.k.a. the Cheshvan-Kislev Zman, ending with the winter vacation.
Zman Matan Toraseinu: The time of receiving our Torah, a time in which every Bochur has to learn a lot, since some teachers have changed, and our own Menahel teaches a class, and is very strict with the students. (A.k.a. the New Zman, ending with the Pesach vacation.)
As Zman Simchaseinu unfolded, the Bochurim of the highest class (Rabbi Shuchat’s class) were treated to a special system, in which they could demand rewards but do not have to keep up with the punishment laws, a system which resulted in total failure of the class.
Every disturbance was rewarded with a Knass which wasn’t enforced, and so, the Talmidim realized that everything could be done without suffering the consequences.
This has led the teacher, Rabbi Shuchat, to a realization that this is not the place for him to work, and these are not the guys that he wants to deal with, and so he decided that he will quit as of Chanukah.
Upon hearing this, his class jumped from joy, they had managed to get rid of this nice teacher who tried to prevent them from doing whatever they wanted. But, what a surprise they were in for... We have interviewed Nissen Lewis on the matter after the beginning of the new Zman, Zman Matan Toraseinu, our comments are in brackets.
TEP: Nissen, we heard that a new teacher (I would call him a zoo-keeper) has started teaching the class, he is considered one of the top teachers in the world (you bet, he has controlled immature animals and beasts for 5 years, 24/7). Who is he?
Nissen: F--- Shuchat, That F---’n S---hole decided to quit... (beep... beep... beep...)
TEP: Yes, we know that (Shuchat told us he is quitting because he got hurt from the lion, just like Noah in the Ark, who got hurt from the lion for doing the lion a favor), but who is the new teacher?
Nissen: He is Rabbi Berger (That’s great!).
TEP: Rabbi Berger? He returned from his fundraising trip (to which he left, once he left a class in the hands of Yossel)? That’s great to hear, what do you say about the class?
Nissen: Well, Zman Simchaseinu has ended (you bet!), and now its for real, he writes on the board (you guys asked for it, don’t complain!), and we have to copy it all, he doesn’t let us talk and he is enforces strictly our learning (finally you will learn something, you British fool!), we are learning a lot, and (shouting) I am going to kill that F---’n Shuchat for quitting!
TEP: Please drink the cup of water, and let’s continue the conversation. (Five minutes later) OK, as I see you are very nervous I would like to ask you: What statement would you like to make to conclude this interview?
Nissen: I would like to kill anybody who has made Rabbi Shuchat’s life miserable, and that includes me, for because of them we are stuck with Berger King! I never wanted him to quit.
TEP: Thank you very much.
After this rocking interview, we have approached the other members of the class to find out who is the culprit who decided to make Rabbi Shuchat quit.
TEP: Motty Jaffe! Were you the one which made Shuchat quit?
Motty: Never! I have never wanted him to quit, I knew and I still know he is the best teacher in the whole world, look at my notes from when he taught.
TEP: Chaim Kaufmann! Was it you?
Chaim: Me? Never! I love him, and I want him to come back, I always liked his class.
TEP: Shmully Lazaroff! Was it you?
Shmully: Lorrena, how many more potatoes should I peel?
TEP: Pinchus Morozow! Was it you? We have a feeling after you tried to “beat him up” you decided to get rid of him, is that correct?
Pinchus: No, It doesn’t really matter to me, I do my learning with Gershon at night.
TEP: Reuven Overlander! Are you the culprit? You couldn’t handle a teacher who is only seven months older than you, and already has a beard, Ah?
Reuven: He is a great guy when he answers our Smicha questions, I hope he passes me and signs my Smicha diploma.
Leiby Best didn’t reply to our question, and Sruli Weiss was busy smoking some grass which he hid in his hair, and we couldn’t get a legible answer from that stoner.
So, after a full day of investigations, we were so tired and decided to call upon Effie and his investigative offices, to help us solve this problem.
A day later...
Effie: I have it! It was my pet, Yitzchok Eilenberg, who decided that it wasn’t right for a teacher to send out whoever disturbs his class, and complained to Rabbi Berger.
TEP: Thank you very much, now to you Itzik, what do you have to say?
Itzik: I will beat him up, he thinkth that he iz the greatethst teacher and the strongest person, I will beat him up.
TEP: Thank you very much for the info, now go beat him up.
NEWSFLASH: Remains of Itzik Eilenberg were found in Gershon’s room, after he tried to beat up Shuchat, but instead his belly got stuck in the heater and he bounced off with a bang. Details to follow.
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