9. "Zochor" and "Shamor" suddenly replaced by Dolce and Gabbana
8. Age old question arises: Can you remove tag on shabbos?
7. Your Dvar Torah somehow connects sale of Maarat Hamachpelah with sale at Barney's
6. Synagogue Scholar-In-Residence: Sy Syms
5. You eat the soup course and then ask if you can return it and get the gefilte fish instead
4. You ask someone to cut you a piece of challah by saying "Take 20% off"
3. You ask if they have the meatballs in an XXL
2. Mom has a no return policy on her chulent
1. The only two you thank for your new shabbos outfit: Lord and Taylor
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